The Pursuit of Happiness

It's been quite some time since I've written, for many reasons. There has certainly been no lapse in the amount of things that have happened since my best day ever, but I'm realizing that my life is truly shifting. I think it's fascinating how quickly people can adapt to different environments. Within a matter of days, a place I have never been in my life starts to feel like home, and everything falls into a routine of more or less "normal" life. And yet I am in a completely different environment. My brain is working a million miles an hour simply encoding all the new external cues. The new faces, the new smells and tastes, the route I have to walk, reading German, navigating the map, and new habits that somehow feel like they've been there my whole life. Humans are like putty. We adapt. Certainly in my case, it isn't difficult at all. I moved from one urban city to another, and there were many habits I was able to carry over, it's not like I moved to the woods and needed to learn to hunt. But all the same, it's interesting to me how fast we adapt... at least physically. (If you want to see some awesome people adapting and living in more extreme environments, watch BBC's Human Planet, it is AMAZING). Seriously. But psychologically, it's a whole other matter.

Homesickness is truly a sickness. I knew without a doubt how hard this first month was going to be for me. I don't particularly like change, especially when I have to face it alone. Not to say I don't feel all the love from my friends and family back home, because boy I sure do, but I think you know what I mean when I say alone.
Well, there's no need to be melodramatic about my homesickness. It happened and it's still happening.  It was always inevitable but the good news is that I am beginning to bounce back. And that is mostly due to the fact that I am adjusting to my new life here, and happily. I like where this is going. I did have a couple days of a major urge to leave Germany and go straight to circus school, but I'm relieved to say that has passed. Granted, I do intend to go back to school for circus (probably a commedia program), but I am still young, and I'd like to see what this world has to offer me first.

Before I left Portland, I wrote an entry in my journal exclaiming just how incredibly happy I was. I was madly in love with an incredible man, and a truly wonderful dog. I had a great job and friends I knew I would have my whole life. And I had finally found a niche of theatre I felt comfortable in, and felt a intense passion for. Spring was just around the corner, you could feel it in the Portland air and I was happy. I wrote about how I was glad that I would be leaving Portland happy. Honestly I don't know if I would have been able to leave if I had been discontent. Upon arriving, however, the day came when I was miserably unhappy, and I wondered why on earth I left everything that was so wonderful. I wondered whether I could get myself back there, if I only wished myself hard enough.

But after everything is said and done, I know that my place is to be here, for now. Nobody likes change, and even if we do, there is that comfort that comes from the familiar that nothing can replace. In the end I am glad I left Portland with such a rejuvenated spirit, because that is what is carrying me here now, when the days are long and I find myself alone for the first time in months. But I wouldn't be handling this as well as I am if it wasn't for all of you. The loves of my life.

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I have been juggling every day. Sometimes I don't realize that 2 hours have gone by. But I am ecstatic with my progress. There is something about seeing red, yellow, and blue colors fly by that is very calming to me, and also something about having complete control of what would normally be a total mess (3 balls, 2 hands) that is totally rad. I am hooked. It is an excellent way to unwind, and also an excellent way to get yourself pumped up for work! Or reading papers! Plus, my butt and thighs are really sore from having to bend over and pick up my juggling balls all the time, so it's a great work-out, apparently.
Next on my list of skills to hone -- Hooping! One of my circus buddies is absolutely amazing, it looks like so much fun and I love how much like dancing it is. But even though I'm pretty good at dancing, I kinda suck at hula hooping right now. But hey ho, I used to really suck at juggling.